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TO OVERPROTECT IS TO UNPROTECT: How to teach “frustration tolerance” by Dr Eva Millet.

Lullaboo Moms

                 

Eva Millet, Spanish journalist, is the author of “ Hiperpaternity” and “ Hiperchildren”, two books about the effects of overprotective parents.

Raise your hand if you run desperately beside your child’s bike while he is learning how to ride it? Who had aggressive feelings towards a 5 year old who is taking your daughter’s toy in the park and think:” not to my child!”. Who isn’t guilty of telling their daughter that “Kate and Mary are going home together after school but do not worry because they were not going on a play date together”, to save your Little Princess feelings of being left out? With 4 children, I can’t deny I have been there many times! At least I can say I learnt on the way and haven’t destroyed my kids self-esteem completely J… Still I have to admit I am part of this generation of overprotective parents!

 Eva sets it clear: the consequence of this type of parenting is create a great deal of anxiety on your child and reduce their self-esteem. Hiperpaternity creates children with low tolerance to frustration.

Some of these parent profiles might be funny but… by any chance do you feel related????

 

  • The Helicopter Parent, who is constantly flying over his child, was defined for the first time by Dr Haim Ginott, an American Psychologist specialized in kids and teenagers.
  • The Snow Removal Parent, instead of going along the path with their child, they go in front of them cleaning and creating the path of life for them.
  • The Tigress Mothers, name probably coming from Asian countries were parents educate their children only with one objective: being geniuses at only one thing: Math, Violin, tennis …
  • The Bodyguard Parents, who go around life with one motto” Don’t touch my kid!!!!”
  • The Manager Parent, who believe his son is the next Messi or Federer and always knows better than the coach!
  • The Snack Parent, and this usually is a low profile type. Constantly feeling his child does not eat enough and goes under the line of malnutrition, they desperately follow them everywhere with a snack in their hand. As soon as the little one gets distracted with something, in goes the food!

What can we do? Eva says we should embrace patience and self-control. Easy??? It is important we teach them that life is not filled only by happy moments. Bad moments and sad feelings will happen and it is important to learn how to deal with them. She also states that it is not good to tell them constantly they are perfect and wonderful. This only creates narcissistic children that don’t accept their own mistakes. She also recommends not to answer a strict “no” but to tell them: ”No for now , but may be later you might be able to do it”. It is important to teach them to loose and how normal this actually is. Let them play every day, alone or with others. Through play they learn teamwork, creativity, resilience and tolerance to frustration.

I confess that in another life I have been a little bit of them all…but after 4 children and some experience, I am 100% with her. We need to let them fall, lift themselves up again and learn how to live.

 

Full video of the interview:

 

To read more on the subject here is an excellent article: Mentally Strong Kids have Parents who refuse to do these 13 things 



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